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1733 W 33rd St., Suite 120, Edmond, OK  73013        405.285.7332
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Broken Together: The Truth About Marriage

9/5/2017

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I am simply in love with this song called Broken Together by Casting Crowns. In case you haven’t heard it, I’ve included the lyrics below. Before you read it though, let me tell you why I love it so much. I love it because it tells the truth about marriage.

The truth is that marriage rarely turns out to be exactly what you expected. How well do you really know someone until you’ve been married to them for years? Falling in love is great. Getting married is wonderful. Staying married is hard work.

The truth is we are all broken in some way. If you expect your spouse to be the perfect mate you will be disappointed. If you expect your spouse to do things around the house just like mom or dad, you may not get what you expect. If you think being married will solve all of your emotional or sexual problems, wrong again.
​

My point here is that in order to have a happy marriage, you have to learn to be broken together. Everyone has baggage, some heavier than others. Life will bring many ups and downs. How a couple handles the trials of life is vital to the marriage lasting. Trials will come. None of us gets to escape them. Illness, miscarriage, infertility, addiction, mental illness, history of abuse, distorted views of sex, death of a loved one, job loss, car accidents, discrimination, natural disasters…I could go on forever. I know this sounds depressing, but I want to encourage you to be realistic. Live in the here and now. Ask yourself, am I willing to do whatever it takes to make my marriage last? (Obviously there are exceptions to this, such as being abused by a spouse. Nobody should ever have to tolerate abuse.)

How has marriage been different from what you expected? How have you overcome the big challenges in life together as a couple? What changes do YOU need to make for your relationship to last?

Lyrics to Broken Together (Writer: Bernie Herms)

What do you think about when you look at me
I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night

It’s going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds

Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we’ll last forever is broken together
​

How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won’t give up the fight

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How To Have Better Communication in Your Marriage

8/31/2017

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Have you ever noticed that couples who struggle the most do not communicate? Learning to communicate takes practice. Don’t feel bad if you struggle with this. Do something about it! Your marriage will be better than it has ever been.

Someone told me recently about a suggestion they got right before their wedding. A loved one wrote down a few questions and suggested the new husband and wife answer these questions every week for each other. I thought it was such a wonderful idea I had to pass it along. Here are their questions as well as a few of my own.
  • What made you feel most loved by me this week?
  • What can I do better?
  • What was the highlight of your week?
  • How are you feeling about our love/sex/intimacy?
  • What are you most worried about right now?
  • What do you need most this week?

Just think how answering these simple questions can tell you so much about your spouse and your marriage. The other part of communication is listening. When your spouse is talking, try to follow these suggestions.
  • Don’t interrupt your spouse while they are answering the question.
  • Don’t be judgmental about their answer.
  • Don’t be critical or try to defend yourself. Just listen and be supportive.

I’d like to leave you with some personal questions to ask yourself. These are for you to ponder on your own and are a great gauge to how well you personally communicate.
  • Did any of the questions above make you uncomfortable?
  • Would you feel awkward discussing these with your spouse?
  • Do you feel the urge to withhold your answers to any of these questions from your spouse?
  • Would your spouse’s honest answer to any of these questions make you angry?
  • If you answered yes to any of these questions, then think about why.

​Yes answers to these personal questions are barriers to healthy communication with your spouse. These are the areas you can work on for yourself. The more you know about your spouse, the more comfortable you get with each other. Be consistent and do this once a week. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Post written by Angie Ridings
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